Ecstatic Contentment

I had it going there for a few days, then it went missing. Why had it come, where did it go, and how could I get it back?

On the first point, theories had presented themselves:

– the Maui climate
– being in love
– a revitalizing health product

But then what explained the change in experience?

– unsettled windy weather
– mutual irritations surfacing and triggering reactions
– detox, retracing of old symptoms

This morning I awoke in a more neutral space, realizing the trap of attachment to results. I had been holding onto the theory that having an inner feeling of ecstatic contentment should enable life to flow smoothly in all its details. Therefore if the details are not flowing well, if accidents happen or tempers flare, it reflects inner disharmony.

Further, I had bought into the belief that ecstatic contentment itself was the result of specific causes or activities. If I wasn’t feeling it in the moment, I held onto the prospect that that form of happiness might still arrive if I just got in gear with one of my desired activities: swimming, writing time, playing music.

Sitting and mulling over these dynamics, by grace, the feeling returns. I put the smartphone down, with its constricting diet of world news and plots behind the scenes, to feel the rising sun warm my skin and the mind go clear. Later, in the midst of that anticipated writing session, the flight of two orange butterflies, in front of my face, dances my attention free. The ecstatic contentment I feel now is no longer even personal, just a momentary and abiding flavor of what is.


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